Woke up on the dark side of the mattress..

Taking a break from the 100,000,000,000 days of blogging. Just kind of want to whine, so feel free to skip this post.

 You know when you have one of those days when you're really just not feelin' it?  That's basically how my week has been. No good. I love winter for the first few weeks. The chilly weather, the getting bundled up, the Holidays.... But after a few weeks, I just get super bummed out and just want sunshine and happiness back. (Not to mention, my tan is gone. Please welcome back the whitest Native you know!)

Not to mention, there's some family in town that just frustrates me and makes me sad. But having said family around also reminds me how incredibly grateful I am for the people in my life and that I need to make sure they know I love them and I never want to take them for granted.

Some false news was shared on Sunday that completely ruined my day. Made it so the "Not-Boyfriend" and I almost had to have the D.T.R. (Determine The Relationship) talk... Which is something I want to avoid. I don't know why. I think I just want to avoid relationships because I spent 3 years giving everything I had to one, and only ended up completely broken in the end. Yes, yes, I know NOW that that relationship was poopy, and that it ending was for the best for both of us. But I also remember, quite vividly, how much it hurt. I know that if this "Not-Relationship" were to become "official" things would be different, simply because of who it involves, and the fact that we will actually be physically together. But the thought of it ending and losing this person terrifies me beyond reason. Yet, people tell me that I need to find out what exactly is going on in case "Not-Boyfriend" finds someone else and I just end up more hurt in the end. And I just don't want to have to deal with it. I just want things to keep going how things are going and having fun. But due to the fact that I AM a girl, I keep over thinking this whole situation and driving myself crazy over it. Therefore, I've decided this week to kind of give it a break. Back off for a little bit. Let's not get too attached and serious Shandi. As that's the only way we'll be able to continue doing this without needing to have the "Talk".

I've kind of lost the Christmas-y thrill I was feeling earlier in the month. I'm quite broke (how I've managed that with TWO jobs and being extra careful to spend money only on bills, I have no idea...) so no one is getting anything from me this year. I have a LITTLE extra money that I'm going to try to at least get my brother something. But that's about it. This REALLY bums me out, as the whole shopping/wrapping presents and getting excited about giving them to people is most of the fun for me! I wish I would have planned this earlier so I could have had time to make everyone something. Maybe if I find the time I can still do that. And homemade gifts are more fun anyways :)

Ugh. I hate being in such a funk. I can't wait for Zumba tonight to get it all out and leave feeling amazing.

I've felt like I could break down in tears all week. It's stupid. I'm such a tough Shando. I don't like feeling like this. Especially when I think about how "Not Boyfriend" said one of his favorite things about me is that I'm always so happy. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone when they just want to throw a pity-party for a minute. Haha. At least when we hang out I'm happy. So that's good.

There was so much more that I've been thinking about today that I was going to write about, but now I can't think about it. That's what I get for thinking about blog topics when I'm driving. I can't write them down so I'll remember for later.

Oh! Woe is me!!!!
(haha)
Good golly. I'm done now.

(don't mind the yucky face in this. It was right after getting laser'd so my skin was still all puffy and traumatized.)